those who lead less-than-ordinary lives don't posses less-than-ordinary skills/talent.

note to self

you're going back to college today. try to be more sociable this time.

shifting musical tastes

i pledge allegiance to the beatz of los angeles.

(i.e.- this stuff: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=126529162)

i miss college.

i miss steinhardt. i miss music technology stuff. i miss hectic days filled with homework and projects and papers (well, not so much the last one). i miss yummy dorm food. i miss the fast-paced city life. i miss my band. i miss feeling isolated in a big city. i miss my roommate. i miss my suitemates (except for the one that never talked to anyone). i miss my church acquaintances, even if they're only acquaintances. i miss broadway. i miss all the pretty asian girls walking around campus. i miss all the pretty girls walking around the city. i miss being around musicians and tech geeks. i miss old school mario kart races. i miss old school mario tennis matches. i miss small groups. i miss trying to fall asleep at night while the city fights to keep me awake. i miss random deep conversations with my roommate. i miss sunday brunch at palladium. i miss union square. i miss the combination pizza hut/taco bell that happens to be right next to a wendy's. i miss chicken and rice. i miss partying at my suitemate's swank apartment on park ave. i miss randomly hanging out at my other suitemate's cousin's swank apartment on astor place. i miss good company. i miss the people that lived four floors above me. i miss acing aural comprehension tests in blazing time. i miss the library. i miss doing homework at the library late at night. i miss hayden dining hall. i miss watching my suitemate play video games. i miss that date i went on with the girl who lived down the hall. i miss studying. i miss occasionally stressing. i miss living on mac&cheese and pasta. i miss the nice bookstore. i miss seeing hipsters every day. i miss walking to and from classes. i miss seeing that cute korean girl come in for her cello lesson after mine was finished. i miss meeting that cute korean girl and awkwardly conversing with her. i miss central park. i miss the random smell of garbage along the street. i miss uniqlo. i miss meeting tommy wiseau and greg sestero. i miss feeling motivated to do work. i miss not feeling motivated to do work. i miss all the awesome people i met, even if i didn't actually meet as many people as i would've expected. i miss the cultural diversity. i miss 8 am calc recitation. i miss the smelly fridge. i miss being sexiled. i miss hearing my roommate apologizing for sexiling me. i miss the new chapter in my life...

...i miss it all so much. i don't want to be home anymore, even though i enjoy what i have here. i want to go back to school.

beatz

Silent Warning by GypsyClub

i submitted this track to the music blog the wild honey pie. if they dig it, then gypsy club will be featured in their "new discoveries" section! crossing fingers! *crosses them*

i can't continue this blog if i'm too lazy to express my thoughts in writing.

quality song, crappy song: the good and bad of new music #2

quality song:

crappy song:

quality song, crappy song: the good and bad of new music #1

quality song:

crappy song:

agree? disagree? let me know what you think.

a quote from beethoven

"I would have ended my life -- it was only my art that held me back. Ah, it seemed to me impossible to leave the world until I had brought forth all that I felt was within me."

beep boo boo bop boo boo beep

Solace (Instrumental, rough mix) by GypsyClub

i hope mr. krabs enjoys my robot music.

remember this day...

dear reader,

today, i was typing a lab report in the music tech lounge. someone was using the computer next to mine; he was on his facebook page.

"how do you delete your account?" he asked someone standing behind him.

"why would you want to do that?" the person asked puzzlingly.

i will never forget his response: "i don't want to become a vegetable."

i was going through my usual rounds of fb stalking a few minutes ago when i remembered those wise words. "vegetable"--that really struck a dissonant psychological tone. it reminded me of those zombies on life support you find in hospitals. they just sit on the bed so lifelessly as tubes attached to their arms supply their bodies with sustenance that, in reality, only prolongs their lifelessness.

the analogy is obvious. but what it doesn't reveal is that i was willingly sticking those tubes into my arms, living off the social networking fodder that preserved my digital life, but simultaneously distracted me from my--well, you know--real life. because let me tell you, the satisfaction of receiving new notifications cannot outweigh that of realizing the exciting future entailing hard work, which really isn't that hard considering that you're studying what you love, at the school you love, in the city you love. to quote the title of track 9 on in rainbows: "jigsaw falling into place."

oh, facebook, you came so close to stealing some of my pieces--wait, just kidding, you did. but i'm not making that same mistake again. so as of now, i'm taking back what was once mine. and to you i say this: keep your hands off my fucking puzzle. i'm going to finish it without you getting in the way, that's for sure--and it's going to look beautiful when i do because it won't be missing any pieces.

i thought about posting this letter as a goodbye note on fb, in which case i would've waited to see all the virtual thumbs ups and praises before i actually deactivated my account--maybe even set an example for others in danger of becoming vegetables. but i know that that's a deceiving motive because all humans are, to some extent, prideful narcissists bathing in the water of insatiable self-praise. and i'm no exception to that fact as i type this letter (even though only a few people actually read and/or comment on my posts)--because i still need a little bit of approval from others (if anyone will offer me that good stuff), just to reaffirm that i'm a good person. if i didn't, then i would've written this post in a personal journal, and only i would ever read it.

okay, i'm rambling. re-focus, silly boy...

anyway, i'd rather bound this letter to ze blogger, where only a lucky few people can see my mind at work (again with the narcissism...as if i'm really that special) rather than my hundreds of (now ex) facebook friends. because while this letter is partially for you, it's mostly for me. it's a reminder of the more important things in life--a call to live. and if i really want to leave facebook behind, then i can never return--not even for a moment to bid my prideful farewells.

thus, i leave with quiet (but not utterly silent) triumph.

to whoever is reading this: if you feel compelled to congratulate me via comments, please refrain from doing so (you can't, anyway, since i've disabled them). if you're planning on confronting me in person about everything i've said, please think twice (the reverse situation applies as well, and i'm holding myself accountable). today's my personal genesis; i'm kicking facebook 100% out of my life. and i know people will ask me where all my updates went, and i'll have to tell them in the most minimal way possible that'll nonetheless remind me of my pre-genesis self. but please don't add anything more to those pitiful reminders. aside from the occasional "hey, you're not on facebook anymore!", this letter of vindication will be the only connection to my pre-genesis life. it will serve as a worthwhile reminder to keep all this in perspective, so that i'll never turn back on my word.

the future looks prosperous with no vegetable fields in the foreground.

sincerely,

kevin

jackhammers outside my window

now i don't need an alarm clock.

happy easter!

such a pleasant day to remember jesus's resurrection :)

getting classical

chopin is a boss. i've been growing especially fond of his mazurkas. they're fun listens, especially when the pianist plays with the appropriate rubato.

why do some people pronounce bach's name as "bah"? is that the german pronunciation or something?

i'm having a love affair with chap stick and post-it notes.

are curse words still bad without a context?

what if you only saw this:

fuck.

certainly you've been trained to realize, "ooh, that's vile." but it's only a word that, when isolated, technically means nothing. and i'm not considering any possible implications (e.g.- that specific "fuck" was taken from a conversation in which some guy lost his wallet); i'm simply considering that word as only a word, nothing else.

with that in mind, is doing this:

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

offensive? i mean, i'm not putting any meaning behind those f-bombs, so they're harmless. however, one could imagine them to mean something (i won't list any examples; i'm sure you know most of them). then i probably shouldn't have typed all those "fucks," eh?

hmmm...

ya boi bangs

keepin' it real

if you need some musical resolve (i.e.- that track was way too dope for you to handle), listen to this new song from the new album plastic beach by the gorillaz. it's absolutely gorgeous, with plenty of glistening ambience, synth motifs, soothing acoustic loops and hypnotic vocals to soothe the restless ear. or as i like to say, "this song's an ear-hugger."

10 things on my bucket list

1. meet a celebrity

2. write a sonata

3. learn true humility

4. build an analog synthesizer

5. compile an extensive record collection

6. visit sydney, australia

7. buy a custom drum set

8. play a game of curling

9. work as a sound engineer for a film

10. go on a wine-tasting tour in california

i love the internets

the world needs to give google a pat on the shoulder for creating an astonishingly powerful search engine.

i'm taking a break from making computer music and going acoustic. i keep hearing cello-piano duets in my head that could function as some experimental classical composition (even though i know hardly anything about experimental classical music).

i've also written some lyrics for a simple folk-pop tune i thought of last week. it's about a pauper who contemplates killing a man walking down an empty street one night to steal his money. that's all i'll say for now.

RECORDING TOMORROW. YAY.

enough with rants...back to more important things

MY BAND'S RECORDING THIS SATURDAY. I'M REALLY EXCITED.

self-conscious

sometimes i think of those people that make me feel socially awkward--the ones that point out all my most humiliating qualities. thinking of them usually irritates me; oftentimes i wouldn't mind approaching them and screaming "fuck you" to their faces for toying with my self-consciousness.

but maybe i do those things because...well...they're just a part of me. like all those times when i keep shifting my eyes and can't look straight when i'm walking down the street because i feel like everyone's watching me, judging my appearance...maybe that's who i am.

well, i know that that looks weird. and i don't want to look weird anymore...so stop reminding me of it. oh, and fuck you.

(this blog's turning into a personal journal. i don't know whether or not that's a good thing.)

cabin fever

this weekend is dedicated to writing music.

also, there's a lot of snow outside. and my roommate's baking brownies. today is a good day.

today's realization

what happened to sports? it almost feels like i've never touched a tennis racquet in my entire life.

i don't even play badminton anymore. and i thought i'd keep that up for the entire year.

i kind of miss it all. and yet, i could care less.

haha.

taylor swift has bad posture.

random thoughts of today

my past two writing teachers have told me that i have a knack for producing quality essays. one of my papers from last semester might even get published in mercer street, a compilation of student essays.

i find this all hilariously ironic because i hate writing, and only my pride motivates me to tell you this news.

i think i've been faking humility for a long time. or maybe everyone is inherently egotistical...probably both.

once was lost, once was found, once was lost again, now am confused

i'm slowly growing apathetic. i see everyone else around me closing their eyes, lifting their hands, shouting to the ceiling--their faith astonishes me. at the same time, though, i envy them for having what i could never hold on to. and when i look at them all hanging out after service, embracing each other's company while i stand outside the circle because somehow i could never transcend beyond the realm of "casual acquaintance," i wonder why i'm even here in the first place. or better yet, does all of this even matter?

i'm still happy with life as it is. oftentimes i wonder to where that chunk of me disappeared (or if it was ever there...or if it's still there but i don't see it). but hey, what is feeling lost but merely an essential component to living? and if He will always be there until the day my heart makes its final beat...well, then i guess there's plenty of time to find Him again, to reverse this apathetic trend.

to quote the countless philosophers of this world: life goes on.

i will sit next to her in calc class tomorrow.

acting narcissistic is a terrible thing to do, especially when you unintentionally cock-block your friend because you've endured a boring weekend and feel like you deserve some attention from him, even though he's sitting with a girl...alone in the common room...with his arm around her shoulder.

out of all the terrible acts you've committed in your life, this one's definitely one of the worst (and most oblivious).

getting somewhere

this is my band:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Lost-Ascenders/323376891653?ref=ts

we're playing shows:

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=293966984341&ref=ts

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=293966984341&ref=ts

my dream of getting paid to play the drums is finally coming true!!! :)

worthless

i can't write a long entry (i.e.- more than 3 paragraphs) without relentlessly rethinking, revising and editing every damn aspect of it. it's impossible for me to just blurt out my thoughts and never turn back (which i'd prefer doing since i don't like investing so much time into updating this blog).

curse my perfectionist state of mind.

for now, i'm following the "pithy/cryptic 1-2 sentences" path. it's kind of pointless, yet practical nonetheless.

in other news, please support my new band by "fan-ing" the facebook page:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Lost-Ascenders/323376891653?ref=ts

'preciate it.

cryptic lyrics for my first complete song

"words, places apart" - gypsy club

call to you in empty space

words that fail to move

once was lost and still remain

all is still the same

the air so cold so far from

the sun that feeds the light

time could bring a cure for this

for now i'll still be here

if you want to practice humility, you can start by not telling others that you're trying.

so the band doesn't suck. they don't play my preferred type of music...but it doesn't suck. and they're all more than decent (quite skilled, in fact) musicians who are actually motivated to, well, do things.

we'll be practicing and eventually recording a demo. once we have that, we'll be looking for gigs to play. I MIGHT ACTUALLY GET PAID TO DO THIS.

cool.

my roommate's friend's friend asked me to play drums for his band. he apparently has an album's worth of songs and a reserved practice space with a drum set, microphones, amps--basically the works.

i really hope his music doesn't suck.

twenty ten

one glass of champagne ---> asian glow. sigh.

oh yeah, hooray for 2010!!!