i'm slowly growing apathetic. i see everyone else around me closing their eyes, lifting their hands, shouting to the ceiling--their faith astonishes me. at the same time, though, i envy them for having what i could never hold on to. and when i look at them all hanging out after service, embracing each other's company while i stand outside the circle because somehow i could never transcend beyond the realm of "casual acquaintance," i wonder why i'm even here in the first place. or better yet, does all of this even matter?
i'm still happy with life as it is. oftentimes i wonder to where that chunk of me disappeared (or if it was ever there...or if it's still there but i don't see it). but hey, what is feeling lost but merely an essential component to living? and if He will always be there until the day my heart makes its final beat...well, then i guess there's plenty of time to find Him again, to reverse this apathetic trend.
to quote the countless philosophers of this world: life goes on.
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